Monday, 16 June 2014

Types of Students

Most people who read my blog are here because I send them the links on GMail followed with a " read it yet?" message every two seconds. So most people who read this post are my school friends and can probably relate to it quite well. To those who've passed out of school, lets take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

1. Ass Kissers
God do I hate these people. Do you remember those girls who wagged their tails every time a teacher smiled at them? Those kids that walked two steps behind the teacher carrying a hundred and two notebooks, those that had a 'special' " Good morning ma'am!" tone reserved for every damn teacher? Yeah - those are the people who deserve to be murdered with a machete. 
They are the kids who not only bothered to memorise the teacher's birthday, but also made her a giant big-ass card. 
And Teachers Day? That was field day for these people. Girls in my class used to prepare for that day. I mean you'd know it was Teacher's Day when there'd be twenty girls in your class arriving with forty-something roses, thirty - something boxes of candy, eighty - something cards and an infinite number of "we wuvv you ma'am"'s being spoken in extremely nasal tones. -_-

2. The Jocks Yo'!
These are the sports dudes. Now my school is one of those where if you are in the football team there is probably a shrine under construction to your name somewhere on the school premises. Jocks stroll the corridors like they own them, walking around showing everyone their "sweg". They are the typical back benchers with smoking addictions and eight girlfriends each. But there is one common characteristic prevalent among every jock I've come across till date - God are they dumb! I had the misfortune of having one of these said Jocks as my team mate in one of our group assignments last year and it was physically painful explaining to this guy the basics of hydrocarbons. *shudders*

3. The Nerds/ Geeks
Basically my people. (Hi guys!) I've written an entire rant about the various divisions and subdivisions in our species, here :http://preethadatta.blogspot.in/2013/11/you-are-cool-we-are-cool.html . 
Shameless publicity Preetha. Tut-tut. 

4. The Mean Girls
Yeah I'm referring exactly to those girls in the Lindsay Lohan movie. These chicks breeze into class with impeccably applied makeup, their hair done all trendy, their French manicures in place, and here I am in my messy hair in a bun with my chipped nails staring at them wondering what the hell did I do wrong! 
Frankly I simply do not get these girls. I do not get why you would dress up so much - you clearly applied that foundation, powder, concealer, kajal, eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss and what not for no less than thirty minutes - to come to a non - airconditioned school, in the middle of July, in a place so hot that if I go out and crack an egg on the cement right now, I'll have a good plateful of scrambled eggs in front of me. 

5. The Casanovas
Basically the guy your mom warned you about. They are the heartbreakers, the players. They are the guys whose photo every girl kisses before going to sleep.(No - I do not generally fall into that category of girls. I'm usually the weirdo in the corner stuffing her face in the second period.) 
And God do they know the fact that they're heart throbs. Trust me when I say this - they take full advantage of that fact. One of these casanovas once approached me. He looks at me with half closed eyes. leans in towards me a bit as if tying to make my heart flutter. Now do not get me wrong - I'm straight. But its as if casanovas have no affect on me whatsoever. They can pout at me all they want and I will not even bat an eyelid. So this guy leans in and produces what he thinks is a throaty voice and goes all like, "Hey Preetha... Would you do my homework for me?" 
And I stare at him for two seconds like : 

Then I go back to my sandwich. 
These guys are the kind that expect you to fawn over them. This guy asked me to do his homework, and it was like he was doing me a favour. And they hate being turned down. 
Actually I think that is primarily why their kind hates me. 

6. The Social Zombies
These are the people who are absolutely inept at talking. It is not like they are introverts, they just crap their pants every time you say hi to them. I once said "Hello" to one of these guys, and seriously - it seemed as if he was in actual pain. His eyes started bulging in their sockets, his palms were quavering a bit, he was gulping trying to sink into the floor... just a pitiful sight to watch. Naturally these are the people whom everyone ignores. 
Creepy fact : These are the people who generally who generally turn into chainsaw killers. So be nice to them. For your future kids' sake. 

Anyways this was my take on various types of students. I know school often seems like a giant pain in the arse(it often is, actually) but all of us school - goers should try to cherish it while it lasts anyways. :) 

Sunday, 1 June 2014

Types of Siblings

India is a huge country, and being Indian -  siblings is one thing I happen to not have a scarcity of. So I have categorized the many different types of siblings into five broad categories. Here goes :
  1. Jailbreak
    Is this just in India, but basically whatever – WHATEVER – the older siblings do, they get away with, just because they're older. I mean its like God gave them an unlimited supply of 'Get out of trouble' coupons. My older brother felt that it was not only his privilege but his duty to change the rules of games we used to play whilst we were playing them to ensure his own victory and if I went all, “Mom – dada(Bangla for 'older brother') is cheating!”
    My mother would go all like, “Preetha listen to your brother – he's older.”
    I mean, WHAT?! Its as if all his crimes are being justified just because he is older than I am!
  2. The Perfect Pansy
    Now your parents say that they don't have favorites, and that could be true depending on how much you believe in fantasies. But there is that one sibling whose framed photo stands on the mantelpiece of when they met the President. Right next to their 'Best Student Award'. Which lies right next to the gold they won at State championships. This sibling of yours has the perfect track record – no blotches on it whatsoever. And at family get togethers, while you are the weirdo in the corner with headphones on; this sibling's all chilling with his/her mausaji/mausiji laughing at all their pathetic jokes.
    So what happens to you now? Constant comparison.
    “Preetha your sister was a marvel at Music. Look at you – friggin' First division only.”
    “Preetha your brother got full in Math all the time. Why've you got one mark less?”
    And then they say they don't have favorites. Pfft.
  3. The Uncle/ Auntijies
    Now this sibling usually has a huge age gap (the person to whom this concerns knows I'm referring to her. Or him maybe. ) and instead of being like your bro – they act like your Uncle or Auntijy. I swear, these siblings are more protective than your parents will ever be.
    Going on a three day excursion from the school? Sounds “dangerous”. -_-
    There are boys coming to the party? You are not “old enough”. -_-
    Out of the house at 7:30 in the evening? You are becoming “insolent”. -_-
  4. The Brat
    Now this is usually the youngest sibling because they are loved most by EVERYONE, and probably are super super pampered. If the older sibling got a Cadbury's bar on their sixteenth birthday – this brat needs two boxes of Ferrero Rochers, a new jersey and a Nintendo DS just to be kept from whining. This brat is used to receiving gifts from every other relative every month or so, and fair warning – he/she WILL make a fuss if this gift somehow happens to not show up.
    And I'm proud to say, that in my family that brat is me (Hey brother :D).
  5. The Evil Squealers
    I don't if you have those really, really tiny cousins who think it is unfathomably hilarious if they somehow disturb the carom board, or push the chess board off the table? Yeah those are the worst. And babies are cute, but God are they evil.
    I was talking to a guy on the phone(we were solving a Physics problem for God's sake -_-) and one of these tiny nephews of mine hears me and goes to my mom all in his cute voice going, “I think Preetha has a boyfriend.”
    And adults are weird because they don't believe three year olds when they say they drank their milk but believe them when they say other people have boyfriends. And basically I had to sit through a fifteen minute investigation. :|
Having said that, siblings are amazing. If you don't have one you do not know what you are missing out on.You may fight with them all day long, but one day will come when they will be married and have kids and be expected to stand at the adults table while talking to their in-laws, and you'll be standing there staring at them being all, “Don't stand there being a bore. Yeah -you. In your grown up clothes now. Don't stand there discussing politics and come play cards with me.”


If you have a sibling I want you to whoop them on the head today. Siblings are more important to you than you think. Cherish them.