Thursday, 19 February 2015

Better Insults

I am tired of people calling me a nerd, and meaning it as an insult.
Seriously, you thick headed giant, what stone do you reside under, that you still consider "gay" to be an abusive word.
So, for the average abuser, who didn't get the best of the G-pool, whose top floor is definitely not the most crowded at this time of year (or any time of year, to be honest), allow me to give you a list of effective insults that will have your target curl into a ball and cry themselves to sleep ON THE SPOT!**
1. Stop talking. I can feel my IQ seep through the floor.
2. Was that a five letter word? See, I told you, there's always room for improvement if you try!
3. If ET and hobbits decided to mate more often, you'd have a lot more brothers and sisters walking around.
4. I bet you think "a lot" is one word.
5. You seem like the sort of person who still supports Lance Armstrong.
6. I bet you think (a+b)^2 = a^2 + b^2.
7. You are the reason I avoid talking to humans!
8. Hey there! I'm human. What are you?
9. If two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and one had rampaging hippos and one end, and the other one had you; I'd choose the hippos.
10. After talking to you, I know why some animals eat their young.
11. Wait - do you hear that? That is the Universe telling you to shut up.

And there you have it. Insults to make that duffer cry, and allow you enough time to get away, as he deciphers that insult, before he modifies your face with his fist shaped hammer.

**results may vary 

16 comments:

  1. Someone here,
    no.s 1 & 2 sound arrogant.
    no.s 5 & 6 are really idiotic
    no.s 7 & 8 are contradictory. you are refering to others as humans as if your are something else (which is coincidently true).
    no. 9 too long & grammatically incorrect
    no. 10 (a comment) like you do.
    no. 11 really your ears must be ringing

    If those were really spoken to an idiot his first raction would be to punch you & then think what u actually meant. Since you'll definitely make a face (arrogant or rebellious) in front of the person.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Preetha here,
      Since you have so kindly decided to raise the subject of grammatic incorrections, allow me to - how the British would say - modify yours a little. Tweak it, if I may.
      If "u" expected a "raction" from me, "your are" not getting it. This is me "refering" to what you have written in the comment above.
      Check yours before you check mine.
      Peace out.

      With loads of love, and enough well wishes to last you forty two lifetimes
      Preetha.

      Delete
    2. Well i agree with ur observation on 7,8 and 9....completely.....but the last two,10 and 11 were good ones

      Delete
    3. Someone again,
      This is is reference (referring) to comment above.
      Thank u(you) for the kind correction. You seems to have taken my kind criticism quite offensively even though it wasn't meant to be. I'm sorry for offending you (even by this comment if in case it did).
      Peace.

      some other anonymous person, who bothered to comment on my comment (strange typing this) thanks for the comment (don't even know why I typed it in the first place).

      Delete
    4. Someone
      who verifies the comments on your blog? Since you don't seem to know who commented on your blog I do believe you aren't the one who verifies the comment but just in case I'm wrong which in this period of examination I seem to prove to be a lot (wrong english acknowledged) just wanted to confirm who verifies the comments posted. If you are the one verifying it (quite a hassle) then please remove the "I'm not a robot" captcha.
      Sincerely(or not can't say actually),
      Someone Anonymous(who actually isn't anonymous)

      Delete
    5. Okay.
      Dear Someone,
      Who are you? You obviously have read my blog - or atleast opened the url of my blog more than once, so its someone who knows me personally.
      You have some incorrections there once again, but I will not be a Nazi and point them out to you.
      Its alright - I had to defend my view point somehow, right? And I wasn't offended, not really.

      Delete
    6. Actually, I do verify the comments on my blog.
      And no I do not know you. Google protects the identity of the commentor even to the owner (stupid Google).

      Delete
  2. My congratulations to the blogger...
    It hit the right person.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My congratulations to the commentor. It made me laugh a lot.

      Delete
  3. Hahaha :D this post and that comment! Seriously preetha, you gave him some :P good going girl!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow xDxDxDxDxD

    ReplyDelete
  5. OMG! Babes ur blog is tottly osum.
    Ha. Just kidding. The one with Hobbits was awesome (yes I do know how to spell) , how about Sherlock's stab at Anderson"Please stop talking you're lowering the IQ of the whole street."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For one second there, you had me utterly revolted, Anonymous

      Delete
  6. Haha this is so funny! ET and Hobbits! I cracked up.. I'm going be using some of these going forward :P
    ~Rewa. :)

    ReplyDelete